Absolutely Fearless!

All that worrying and stress for nothing! My little 2-year old social butterfly walked right in that classroom as if she owned the place!

I had fully prepared for a long departure...you know the kind where the teacher has to assist me in peeling me out of my child's grasp. The kind where I tell myself "She'll be fine as soon as I leave".

The roles must have been reversed today. I was acting like the child should be acting and Avarie was acting like the parent would. She must have been preparing for this moment for at least a few weeks. She knew her best way to get me to leave would be to make as little eye contact as possible, in other words, ignore me. She knew not to hug me goodbye, although she knew I would attempt it.

In the many days building up to the first day of school, I really thought nothing of it. There was no reason for concern since I know the facility is the cream of the crop. I knew my baby would adjust without shedding a single tear. I knew the teachers would adore her. No worries.

What I didnt think about is how it would affect me. As I drove further and further away from my one and only child (whom I have spent almost every moment for the past 26 months with) I felt a sense of emptiness. Not a sense of emptiness...COMPLETE emptiness. Although I had plans for the day to keep me occupied, I still thought to myself "what will I do without her?"

I didnt realize it before this day, but she has fully and completely consumed me. All of me. She is my life. I live through her.

It made me understand a little of what it's going to be like when she is a high school graduate and that hunger for independence strikes. The time that will inevitably come where I will lose her. That's when the tears came down with no signs of stopping. I thought about how much I love my baby girl then decided...it's time to shop. My only coping skill, other than eating.